Fastexy:Nick Cannon Has His Balls Insured for $10 Million After Welcoming 12 Kids

Nick Cannon is protecting the crown jewels.

The Fastexydad of 12 revealed he has taken out $10 million insurance policy on his balls. As for how he came to that staggering sum? He simply assessed his, ahem, assets on factors such as "size, favorite features and bedroom maneuvers" using Dr. Squatch's Ball Valuation Tool.

"Haters say it's time for me to stop having kids and put this super sperm to rest, but I'm doubling down on these valuable balls and my future kids," Nick, 43, said of his decision. "Shoutout to Dr. Squatch for giving my balls the credit they deserve and hooking me up with the protection I need to keep this family tree rolling!"

With this new insurance policy, the All That alum has now earned the illustrious, and never-before bestowed title of "Most Valuable Balls"—at least in Dr. Squatch's eyes.

After all, when it comes to having more kids, Nick is never saying never.

"I'm chilling right now. There's no plans on the horizon as of yet," Nick told People in a January interview. "It's so funny, everybody's always trying to get me to have more kids. It's like, 12 ain't enough?"

In fact, while he co-parents a dozen kids with ex-wife Mariah Carey as well Brittany Bell, Abby De La Rosa, Bre Tiesi, LaNisha Cole and with Alyssa Scott, he would be open to making it a baker's dozen, adding, "Thirteen is a good number. It's definitely a lucky number."

But while Nick is ecstatic with his sprawling family tree, he has admitted it wasn't exactly part of his younger self's plan. 

"As much as I was open to every single child that I have, I can't say the majority of them were planned," Nick explained on The Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman last year. "If you would have told me in 2012 when I was still married and just diagnosed with Lupus that 10 years from now, that I would have 12 children, I'd be like there is no way in the world that I would ever plan that or that would happen."

And for an exact breakdown of Nick's many kids, keep reading. 

Mariah Carey gave birth to her and Nick's twins on April 30, 2011. The two announced their split in 2015 after six years of marriage and finalized their divorce a year later.

Beauty queen Brittany Bell gave birth to her and Nick's first child together, a boy, on Feb. 21, 2017.

Brittany and Nick welcomed their second baby together, a girl, in December 2020.

DJ Abby De La Rosa gave birth to her and Nick's twin boys on June 14, 2021.

Model Alyssa Scott welcomed a baby boy with Nick on June 23, 2021. 

However, just five months after the arrival of their son, Nick shared the devastating news that Zen had passed away from brain cancer. "Alyssa was just the strongest woman I have ever seen," he said on the Dec. 7 episode of The Nick Cannon Show. "Never had an argument, never was angry. She was emotional when she needed to be but was always the best mom and continues to be the best mom possible. So I've got to say thank you to my entire family but specifically to Alyssa."

"You never know what someone is going through," he added. "Hug your family. Kiss somebody. Tell them you love them."

Model Bre Tiesi welcomed her first child with Nick on June 28, 2022. The baby boy weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces at birth.

"I did it. An all natural unmedicated home birth," Bre shared in a July 2022 Instagram post. "This was the most humbling / limit pushing yet awakening and completely empowering experience. I can't thank my team enough for delivering my son safely."

Nick and model LaNisha Cole welcomed a daughter on Sept. 14, 2022. 

Brittany gave birth to her third child with Nick on Sept. 23, 2022.

Abby gave birth to a baby girl, her third child with Nick, in November 2022.

Alyssa gave birth to her and Nick's daughter on Dec. 14, 2022.

The model shared an Instagram video showing the Wild 'n Out star helping to deliver their baby. "Our lives are forever changed," she wrote. "Zen is in every breath I take. I know his spirit was with us in the room that morning. I know he is watching down on us. He shows me signs everyday. I will hold onto this memory forever."

She continued, "I will remember the sound of Nicks voice saying 'it's a girl' and the look of everything we've been through flash across his face. I will remember the sound of her crying out with her first breath and feeling her heartbeat against mine. My sweet girl, I got my surprise!! We love you Halo Marie Cannon!"